The Oracle

Wikipedia: An oracle is a person or agency considered to be a source of wise counsel or prophetic opinion; an infallible authority, usually spiritual in nature.

[ANOTHER of my Executive Producers, Tom Kyte, offering me a cherry bomb at the Mount Royal Tavern, a.k.a. The Dirt Church, in Baltimore - photo by Melanie Caffrey]

Okay, I WAS going to write more about my experience in Philly in this posting, and I will get to that eventually, but apparently my last post, or more specifically, the photo caption on my last post, got me into some trouble and I have to make amends.

If you are a regular reader of the blog, you know that there are several Executive Producers (i.e., people who gave me money to make the movie) for SMALLTIMORE. Granted, I do talk about Mikey the most, because, well, I SEE him on a regular basis, even though he lives in NYC, which, if you need a reference point, is much further away, than say, Leesburg, Virginia.

The caption of the previous post starts off with, "Executive Producer Michael Bordenick..." According to another Executive Producer of mine, Tom Kyte, this caption implies that there is only ONE Executive Producer. Of course that was not my intention, and I don't necessarily think that [general interpretation] to be the case, but I see how he could. Tom said I should be talking about him, too, and directing people to his website. I said, "I thought I wasn't allowed to talk about your work?" Either I was wrong, or he changed his mind, so this posting will be All Tom, All the Time.

You see, Tom is a bigwig at Oracle. As in, he is literally the world's leading authority on Oracle. If you are a database engineer, whatever that means, he is a god to you. He is, "Ask Tom." (www.asktom.oracle.com) He has also written 3 or 4 books on the subject, that, to someone like me, may as well be written in Chinese.

I met Tom at a party at Pitt when I was a senior in high school. The following year, I enrolled at Pitt and went to countless parties at Tom's place, dated his roommate, worked for him at the student union cafe (Tom was Student Manager), and spent most weekends on his couch because my roommates were big fat C-words. Tom taught me how to play Quarters by rolling the quarter off my nose (we kicked major ass together), and he also taught me how to play pool. In effect, these subjects turned out to be sort of a double-major for me, as they were about the only things I learned at college, and skills that I retain to this day.

Tom was my best friend at Pitt. He was, and is, my big brother. He took this position very seriously. He let me take home leftovers from the cafe when I was poor, he made sure no one messed with me when I was on the losing end of a game of quarters, he let me ruin his shirt with mascara when his roommate dumped me and I cried all over him. He also made endless fun of me at any opportunity, kicked my ass at pool relentlessly, and a favorite past-time was locking me in the service elevator at the cafe and turning the light off. He also loved to embarrass me in front of anyone I had a crush on, such as Kip, a gorgeous specimen who worked with us at the cafe. Though I probably couldn't pick his face out of a line-up, Kip's abs were perfection carved in milk chocolate. When we locked up at night, it was Kip's job to mop the floor. This coincided with a daily decline in my level of productivity. Tom addressed the situation. "Kip," he said, "I'm going to have to ask you to mop with your shirt on, so Jeanie can get some work done."

In short, Tom made sure that no one harassed me, except Tom. To this day he likes to tell people I introduce him to that, "Believe it or not," (as soon as I hear this, I know exactly what is coming out of his mouth next), he says, grinning maniacally at me for effect, "I knew Jeanie all the way back when she was a virgin."

Tom and I have stayed in touch all these years, though granted it was pretty loose for a long time. Still we managed to get together once a year or so. A few years ago, when he was going through his divorce, we got in closer touch and ended up hanging out a lot again. Tom's mom was a little worried. "Be careful about the rebound," she said. I am screwing up my face just thinking about that, and I am sure he did the same at the time. "Mom, Jeanie is like the little sister I never had." This did not go over so well when his mom repeated that sentiment to his actual little sister.

Before any aspiring filmmakers out there get any ideas about asking Tom for money for your project, I'll tell you that I don't believe for a minute that he contributed to the making of "Smalltimore," because he gives a flying rat's ass about being involved in making a movie. I'm not even entirely convinced that he was convinced, at the beginning, that I would even get it done. He just did it for me. It is as simple as that, I think.

A lot of people ask me how I was able to get people to hand me the generous checks (3 to 4 zeroes on the end) that Tom, Mikey, and Dan did. Each of them had very different motivations for doing so, but our strong friendships were the common thread. I am extremely lucky and blessed to have these people in my life who love and believe in me as much as these guys do. It is a trust that we have established over many years, and I have other friends who are just as wealthy that I did not approach because I wasn't sure that it would not effect our friendship if I couldn't get them their money back. With Tom, Mikey, and Dan, I know that is not the case. Though of course I am going to make every effort to see that that (getting their money back) happens.

So, my advice is, make friends with the most intelligent people that you can when you are young, because those are the people who will be wealthy when you are older! But mostly, just always put good karma out there, it will come back to you when you need it most, and also don't rely on anyone else's assistance to accomplish your goals. For the most part, I think my guys know that I would get this thing done one way or another. They saw that I was sincere in my vision, and though in some cases I was asking for their help, under no circumstance was I flat-out expecting it. Life is not on a sliding scale, and you should never think that someone should hand you money just because they have a lot more of it than you do. That right there is bad karma, and that will come back to you, too.

Anyway... one of the funniest things about Tom is that, though he loves to try to embarrass me, there is no one that I can make blush faster than him. The above photo is by his standards downright scandalous, and my new favorite. This was taken just this Friday night, when he and his girlfriend visited me in Baltimore (she snapped the photo). Happy now, Tommy? I hope this drives LOADS of people to your websites!