....But It Wouldn't Mean Nothin'...

[Top, A.C. Abbott, writer/director of "Disowning Claire," one of the funniest and best films I saw at Indie Fest 2009 in Anaheim; Below, Indira Somani, who won Best Documentary for "Crossing Lines" at the Heart of England Film Festival, my female compatriots within the Boy's Club of filmmaking.]

[p.s. new pics of Indie Fest 2009 can be seen on the Smalltimore, the Movie Facebook page. Click the link on the right, and become a fan if you haven't already!]

Wow, it has been really nice to have a few days without having, as in, being obligated, to do anything movie-related. And yet, I keep doing movie-related things. Sunday I attended the Stonehenge auditions at the Creative Alliance, Monday I attended the CAmm Cage Happy Hour at the Creative Alliance, and last night I attended the premiere of the new Kevin Kangas film, "Bounty," with my filmmaker friend Eric Thornett, who I do not see nearly enough of these days.

After the movie, which I did enjoy, for the record, Eric and I caught up with each other as well as some of the Usual Suspects, a.k.a. fellow filmmakers, producers, and actors that we know, over drinks at the Club Charles. Eric knows Kevin fairly well but hadn't seen him in ages. Eric actually "appears" in Kevin's new movie, albeit via a "Wanted" poster, and a deranged voicemail message on an answering machine (Eric's screen credit reads, "The Taunter").

In keeping with the Zero Degrees of separation that is the Smalltimore tradition, particularly in the microcosm that is Baltimore indie filmmaking, Johnny Benson ("Bentley" in Smalltimore), also "appears" in "Bounty," and funny enough, also only via his voice. Johnny was present at the screening in his signature Vampirate regalia.

Now Eric and Kevin have been doing this movie stuff a LOT longer than I have been, but I couldn't help but be a little jealous of their rapport and camaraderie, with each other and with other actors and producers there that I know or know of through various channels. It is like a fraternity, complete with lots of crazy war stories. Fun to listen to, but somehow I felt a little left out.

It reminded me of when I first got to know Eric and his entourage, and for that matter, even before that when I got to know Sean Stanley and his crew. It amazed me then, and still does, how much people will do for someone else (for free) when they believe in that person and their vision. I think I have talked about that here before, but I really wanted that, I really wanted to build that for myself, and I still do.

The other thing is that, filmmaking, no matter where you go, is largely a Boy's Club. I'm not crying about it, I am just telling it like it is. And sometimes, as a woman traveling in those circles, it can feel a little lonely. It isn't easy to explain exactly what I mean, but I'll try.

The thing is, it is not even about how men and women relate to each other. It is that men relate to other men differently than women relate to other women. Guys who are filmmakers are like... guys who are football fans. Or guys who play guitar. Or World of Warcraft. Guys who share a common and all-consuming passion like that develop bonds that can make someone who is not yet fully vested, so to speak, feel like an outsider. Like you're the only one in the room that doesn't know the secret handshake.

And women... we're (a) just wired differently, and (b) there are far fewer of us in the mix. Although there were a couple - and by couple, I mean that literally: there were TWO, besides myself - female filmmaker types at the post-party, namely Stacie Jones-Gentzler and Elena Moscatt, two super-smart women who are very cool to boot.

I hadn't thought about it before, but I think it does say a lot for a woman to be able to keep her footing in this industry. Now that I think about it, I can honestly say that I don't know any half-assed female filmmakers. The ones I know are very strong, smart, visionary women who don't take any shit, and also, unlike a lot of men that I meet in this realm, do not have delusions of grandeur, and don't let their egos get the better of them. At the festivals I have attended over the summer, with only one exception (ask me in person and I'll tell you what movie NOT to see if it comes to a festival near you), the pieces by female filmmakers were often the cream of the crop. But I have seen a lot of mediocre (and worse) films and shorts by the same men who pat me on the head and tell me how much I have to learn. And I silently thank them, for I do indeed learn from them - what NOT to do.

I do feel that my own "entourage" is beginning to gel. People like Regina Guy, who I know I can count on for absolutely anything, and Michelle, of course. The three of us working together is what gave me the idea for the title of our short, "The Red-Headed Menace." Michelle and I are going to shoot another short soon, I can't WAIT. And I have a lot of both male and female actors that I know I can call on at any time and they will give me their all, and production assistants, too.

Anyway... do NOT get me wrong, I have met some amazing men who have bent over backwards for me, such as Eric, Sean, and Charlie Anderson. And most of the time I don't mind being a woman in this man's world of filmmaking. I have always liked standing out in certain ways. I was always the shortest person in my class in school, and I liked that. I like having the name Jeanie, because there aren't that many of us, and very few in my age group. I always liked having green eyes. And I've liked having red hair... um, since 2003.

And really, I am not complaining, just observing, while I have a few minutes to breathe and reflect on the whirlwind that has been this summer. I am happy to be where I am, and even though I might have had a few girlie "moments" after Kevin's premiere, you know what? There were people there who had never met me who knew who I was and knew about "Smalltimore," though they hadn't even seen it. Move over, boys. I'm not leaving anytime soon.