Wednesday, January 7, 2009

4:00am is the New 1:00am

I haven't been writing much because I haven't been doing much, film-wise, since the holidays ended. Once I am out of the groove it is hard to get back in, and real life and its issues start taking up more and more of my time since I have allowed myself to become un-entrenched from the movie. Plus, as you know by now, I work best with a deadline. Right now, that deadline is January 31st, the late-late date to submit to the Maryland Film Festival. And if you have not picked up on this by now, I am not an 11th-hour kind of person. I am an 11:45 kind of person. Some personal things, and things at my current "real job" to take care of through this week, and next week I have to really hit the bricks.

But, a little bit more fun this weekend before I go back to marathon editing. One of my major investors, my friend Tom, and his girlfriend are coming to visit me. I can't even remember the last time I saw them! I think the last time I saw Melanie was for my birthday way back in MAY, and I think I have seen Tom once since then. They couldn't make it for the screening of the rough cut, so I am having a mini-screening for them and a couple other friends who couldn't make it that day. But first, a decadent dinner at the Prime Rib! Mmmmmmmmmmmmm... It's fun to play Grown-Ups sometimes.

Actually, I have been editing. In my head. Late at night. Which is why I probably can't sleep. I took sleep aids for two nights, thinking they would knock me right out since I have never taken sleep aids in my life. No such luck. They did nothing. So now I am not even bothering.

Maybe it is feeling guilty for not really working on things lately. I think more likely it is because my brain got used to filing through a million things a day and now is still coasting at a high velocity on its own momentum. I've also found myself to be highly emotional the last month or so. The first few weeks of feeling this way were puzzling to me, I know myself pretty well, and when I am feeling some way that makes me stop and wonder WHY I am feeling that way, I can usually pick it apart and figure it out. This time took me awhile, but I know what it is: I need to write.

The way I blow off steam is most often in the form of writing (or anything to do with words, like editing), drinking, or sex. Just being honest here, don't get squeamish on me (and no, that is not a call for volunteers; I need to FOCUS, here!). Obviously the first is the most productive method, the second the most counter-productive, the third the most fun. Writing/editing is what I have been doing non-stop for a full year now, so though I haven't had time to really get involved with anyone (nookie-wise) I was fine. Since I finished the rough cut, a week before Christmas, up until New Year's I had plenty of drinking time (a few friends may argue, too much). But even if I am blowing off steam with one of my vices, if I am not writing, the words just build up in my brain until I can find an outlet for them, they never just dissipate.

But other than this blog and email, I won't let myself write until I have the final cut of the movie finished. Once the words are out, all creativity dwindles, so sometimes I just have to let it build up like this. I have ideas for other projects, some good ones, I think, but I can't take my eye off the ball. I have to do everything I can to cut this movie into the best possible piece it can be, and then I have to do everything I can to get it off the ground. I owe that to all the people who worked so hard on it with me, to everyone who has put their faith in me from the start (or who converted along the way), and to myself. But once I'm there... man, I can't WAIT to start writing again. I know that's when I'll finally be able to sleep like a baby.

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